We Don’t Talk Anymore… But We Used to Talk About Everything
Healing Disconnection Through Trauma-Informed Couples Therapy in Washington State
There’s a unique kind of grief that settles in when the person you used to tell everything becomes the one you barely speak to.
Not because there was one major blowout, but because life got loud, and your connection got quiet.
“We don’t talk anymore… but we used to talk about everything.”
If that hits close to home, you’re not alone, and your relationship is not beyond repair.
Disconnection happens gradually. A missed glance. A conversation cut short. Emotional walls that go up after a betrayal, a relapse, or a painful memory that neither of you really knows how to name. And in my work as a trauma and addiction therapist here in Washington State, I’ve seen how often couples carry that silence for years, until the ache becomes too heavy to hold alone.
But there’s good news: healing is possible. Especially when we make space to get curious about what’s underneath the silence.
This Isn’t Just a Communication Issue. It’s a Trauma Issue.
Too often, couples come to therapy thinking they just need to “fight better” or “fix our communication.” But the disconnection didn’t begin with poor communication, it began with pain.
A traumatic loss that no one knew how to grieve
Childhood wounds that shaped how you show up in conflict
A history of addiction or relapse that cracked the foundation of trust
Patterns of numbing or shutting down that became a coping strategy
Trauma therapy and substance treatment are not just individual journeys, they’re relational ones. When left unspoken, trauma shows up between couples. But when acknowledged and treated, it can also be the very path that leads you back to each other.
In-Person or Online: What Matters Is the Connection
Whether you live in downtown Seattle or a small town near the Idaho border, finding time and space for therapy can feel overwhelming. Which is why many couples in Washington are now choosing virtual therapy, and seeing real results.
Research shows that virtual couples therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions, especially when using evidence-based models like Emotionally Focused Therapy or trauma-informed care. One study published found that telehealth formats not only maintained therapeutic outcomes but also improved access and consistency for many couples.¹
Virtual therapy isn’t a second-best option. It’s a flexible, research-backed way to reconnect, especially when logistics, distance, or life circumstances make in-person sessions harder to access.
Still prefer in-person? That’s okay. What matters most is that you find a space where safety, honesty, and healing are possible, whether that’s from your therapist’s office or your own living room.
What We Work on in Couples Therapy
If you’re feeling disconnected or unsure whether therapy will even help, here’s what we actually do:
Unpack the silence: What’s not being said, and why?
Explore the trauma story: How are past wounds shaping present dynamics?
Strengthen emotional safety: So you can both stop walking on eggshells
Rebuild trust: Especially after a rupture like addiction, betrayal, or avoidance
Practice new tools: Not just how to fight less, but how to reconnect more
This Is About Coming Home to Each Other
You don’t have to have it all figured out before coming to therapy. You just have to be willing to show up.
Because the ache of disconnection is real—but so is the hope that brought you together in the first place.
Whether your relationship is reeling from trauma, navigating recovery from substance use, or just feeling stuck in a fog of resentment and fatigue—there is help. And there is healing.
Contact me to get started or learn more about my specialties, such as relationship therapy
Kysely, A., Bishop, B., Kane, R. T., McDevitt, M., De Palma, M., & Rooney, R. (2022). Couples therapy delivered through videoconferencing: Effects on relationship outcomes, mental health and the therapeutic alliance. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 773030. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.773030
